What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
