This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
