theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
