He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
