yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
