I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just high enough for therapy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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