I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
