she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
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So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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