It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
