i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
