You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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