just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
