I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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