she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
