nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im drinking this country out of the recession.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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