Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
