Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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