C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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