Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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