He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
