Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill

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(617): Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill http://tfl.nu/gt09

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I never want to see another naked old woman again.

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(724): I never want to see another naked old woman again. http://tfl.nu/5axh

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(425): View more from Washington

God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.

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(425): God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis. http://tfl.nu/n22o

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

No. It just means your good at giving head.

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(605): Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head? (1-605): No. It just means your good at giving head. http://tfl.nu/6xkt

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(914): View more from New York

right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"

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(914): right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit" http://tfl.nu/7x3l

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

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(308): Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/konb

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.

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(908): I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag. http://tfl.nu/b0zy

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey

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(717): apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey http://tfl.nu/5avv

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(360): View more from Washington

sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.

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(360): sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name. http://tfl.nu/z35x

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.

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(617): Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory. http://tfl.nu/p9v1

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(407): View more from Florida

I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...

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(407): I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow... http://tfl.nu/1e3j

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(231): View more from Michigan

I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do

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(231): I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do http://tfl.nu/swrn

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(631): View more from New York

Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?

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(631): Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"? http://tfl.nu/xfwq

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(574): View more from Indiana

i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.

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(574): i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand. http://tfl.nu/cuvt

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow

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(908): Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow http://tfl.nu/q4cz

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