Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm going to rape someone's good day.

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(518): View more from New York

woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so

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(631): View more from New York

Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.

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(850): View more from Florida

Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.

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(706): View more from Georgia

This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.

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(206): View more from Washington

You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave

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