I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house