Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?