As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories