i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...