Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he's my edward cullen

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.

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  (202): he's my edward cullen (770): I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow. http://tfl.nu/ql06
  Replies (48) Good night (1344) Bad night (2188)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  isnt it creepy that our bodies make people

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  (860): isnt it creepy that our bodies make people http://tfl.nu/vg9u
  Replies (98) Good night (6069) Bad night (931)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

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  (386): i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena http://tfl.nu/u4d0
  Replies (42) Good night (7531) Bad night (712)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.

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  (248): My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while. http://tfl.nu/9oye
  Replies (8) Good night (3927) Bad night (686)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

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  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
  Replies (65) Good night (1529) Bad night (19608)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT

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  (832): DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT http://tfl.nu/3806
  Replies (17) Good night (4653) Bad night (1085)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.

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  (318): Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION. http://tfl.nu/w8c8
  Replies (17) Good night (2858) Bad night (867)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce

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  (570): I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce http://tfl.nu/7uec
  Replies (2) Good night (929) Bad night (568)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

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  (804): Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is http://tfl.nu/zc14
  Replies (2) Good night (1241) Bad night (516)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.

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  (905): And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced. http://tfl.nu/b7p5
  Replies (12) Good night (2965) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.

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  (907): You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools. (1-907): That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day. http://tfl.nu/rl6v
  Replies (5) Good night (1540) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell

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  (215): There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell http://tfl.nu/i2t1
  Replies (10) Good night (1828) Bad night (715)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Explain the King Dong next to my face.

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  (570): Explain the King Dong next to my face. http://tfl.nu/zscw
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (223)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs

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  (858): I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs http://tfl.nu/dt4v
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (197)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...

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  (512): And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background... http://tfl.nu/mx93
  Replies (2) Good night (451) Bad night (102)

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