2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.