ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.