dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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