i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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