last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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