So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
