sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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