Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's always time for handjobs
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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