this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
