I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
