Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
