from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have fence marks all over my body
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
