my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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