just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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