Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
