She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
