I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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