i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
