He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
