i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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