she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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