Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
