I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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