____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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