Reggie can tackle my bush.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
