sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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