after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
