you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Panties = found
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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