Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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