At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
