Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
NoShamevember. You game?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
