I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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