the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
