Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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