Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
