I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
