can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
