Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
