just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
