i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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