I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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