your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
