Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
