grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
