Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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