this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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