Midget sex pt 2 tonight
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
