She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
