I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
