roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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