I am puke
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
